The Curse of the Modern Immigrant...

I was determined to make my blog a happy place this year. No more moping and whining. I wanted to write about the good things in life. But life just doesn't work that way, does it?

I often wonder whether it was easier for European immigrants from the last century. They said their 'Good Byes', got on the boat, and made a new life for themselves here. Going back to visit family just wasn't an option. They probably exchanged letters with the family, because of postal delays they probably din't know when tragedy struck at home. I wonder whether not knowing may have been easier...

In the age of telephone, Internet, and instant messaging we always know when things happen...

I am the only one from my family in my generation who has left Germany. Yesterday I got another one of those phone calls. I am sick of this kind of phonecall. The only good thing I can say about this particular one is, that it didn't come in the middle of the night. When my parents died, the callers did not consider what the time was over here. They called while everyone was sound asleep; the result being that whenever the phone rings late at night, I freak out. I am awake instantly thinking it could be another "Hiobsbotschaft" (bad news).

Well yesterday's bad news was about the passing of my cousin. Passing. He did not pass peacefully. He decided to jump off a rock cliff.

When we were kids in elemantary school we would take hiking trips to a place called Rotenfels. It's a beautiful rock formation by the Naheriver. People would always joke about "Suicide Rock". They whispered how many an unhappy loveaffair had ended in this place.

Well on March 27th, my cousin, Michael who had been diagnosed with cancer two years ago decided to end his life there. OMG, Michael! He was my age. Michael. A young successful manager. He had a beautiful wife and two beautiful children. He lived in a beautiful house in the town my mom grew up in. I guess we'll never know why he did this. I suspect being tired of the grueling cancer treatments and the hopelessness. Please pray for his little family and for him having found peace!

All I want to do is hug my aunt and uncle and tell them how sorry I am. But how can I -being thousands of miles away? The curse of the modern immigrant. Always knowing but not being able to do anything...