Happy!

It's time for a new report. Maybe some of you have wondered how I have fared in my new job? Have you missed my musings at all?

Well, if you want to know: I LOVE MY NEW JOB! It has been a great challenge but for the first time, in a long while, I am really happy.

I love working with kids. What kind of came as a surprise to me, is the fact that I actually enjoy teaching High School and Middle School students a lot.

Of course, it could not be helped that the matter of my accent came up. The question seems never far behind once I open my mouth and start talking to a stranger. Are you Irish? (never thought I sounded Irish). What country are you from? Germany! Wow, that is so cool! Can you teach us some words.

Well, that part did not go over too badly... They actually liked my accent. Smiles.

But there were some very hard moments. Like that moment when I had to teach an English class about  Art Spiegleman's Maus novel. When you are German, it appears, you can never get away from your horrible history. You have to live with that fear. Maybe it's just in your imagination. But you are always afraid that people stare at you and think: Her people did that. Or even worse, if folks cannot do the math: She did that... I actually came across a youngster last year who asked me what I did during WWII? Ahem, do I look that old? What are they teaching you in history class?

Anyways. I had never read that graphic novel about the holocaust. Then I had to read passages of it out loud to the kids. I kind of choked on the words. You know there is that part in the story where the Nazis bash little kids' heads into walls since they would not stop screaming as they were taken away to the camps... Tough day at work. I am not sure the kids noticed it. I almost cried...

But it is all good. We must never forget! We must constantly remind ourselves and teach others what can happen if humans don't study and remember their history. We must study it and reflect upon all of it: the Good, the Bad, and especially the really Ugly parts. For if we don't we may repeat the mistakes of the past.

On the days I go in to teach I get pretty tired. I find myself coming home and in need of a nap. Since I am only a substitute teacher I get called whenever there is a teacher missing. Kind of keeps the job very interesting. You never know what can happen. =)

On the days I stay home I  get to make dolls and reflect on the human condition. It's the perfect combination for  my soul. Like I said, for the first time in a long while I am truly happy.

I filled my doll shop with goodies for Christmas. I made tons of little boots because I have this huge stash of felt that needs moving. So if you need some doll shoes I'd appreciate it if you bought a pair. Let me know if there is a color you would like to see that I forgot to make...

Alone in Berlin

Not a single post in over a week. What's up with that? All I can say in my defense is that I have been busy. It's January and that means all the pennies I earned and spent for my doll business last year need to be counted so I can do taxes. This is not much fun at all, but it needs to be done. Those are the times I wish I could make dolls just for fun and give them away. I really don't like counting pennies. Who does?

Aside from that, there was this great 668 page book I got for Christmas. It totally drew me in.  I had to finish reading it. My husband gave me the 1946 novel Jeder stirbt fuer sich allein ( Every Man dies Alone) by Hans Fallada, a German writer. Apparently Fallada is a forgotten author who has been rediscovered recently in Germany and other parts of the world. The book I read hadn't even been translated into English until 2009 when it was published in the UK under the title "Alone in Berlin". 

I found this great summary that a reader from a US library wrote:

Written in 1946, but only recently translated into English, this novel tells the story of a Berlin couple who begin to leave handwritten postcards with subversive messages on them around the city after losing their only son, a reluctant soldier, in the invasion of France in 1940. Based on a true story, the book vividly conveys what it was like to live in a society where everyone was watching - and informing on - everyone else, where all your family and friends were tainted with suspicion if you stepped out of line, and the consequences included prison, concentration camps and the guillotine.

When you are a German national, a person with a German accent, living in the US or any other country, as a matter of fact, you are forever haunted by your history. I cannot tell you how many times the subject of Nazi Germany has come up over the years with various people of different ages and backgrounds. The ignorant things people will say at times still blow me away. I have had children in England, where I worked at a boarding school,  walk up to me with their hands raised Nazi greeting style, saying "Heil Hitler" to me. I had a roommate in North Carolina, mustache added with the other hand, do the same thing. Rather recently, a young boy age 15 or so,  asked me what I did during the war.  I am in my 40s, you know. Seems like there is something lacking when it comes to teaching history and perhaps good manners.

Will it ever stop? I think from now on I will point people in the direction of that book. It is the saddest yet at the same time most beautiful book written on the topic of what it was like to be a German during that time. This book will shake you to the core and leave you with the question: What would I have done if put in that situation? Would I have joined and become part of the system? Or would I have risked my life and stood up for what is right?  Hopefully none of us will ever be to put to the test.

End of Year Blues

It's been a while since I have posted a family photo on my blog. Dwelling too much on the past can sometimes really bring you down, you know. So I stopped for a while. But I thought I'd share this wonderful oldie with you. In this picture you can see 5 German fellows in their World War I uniforms. The tall guy, in the top row on the far left side, is my grandpa Emil Seckler. What an odd picture. Five guys practically hugging a mortar shell. In front of the big phallus shaped bomb is a German sign. In the English translation it reads: Who knows if we shall see each other again. This picture was sent as a postcard (Feldpostkarte) to the family at home from the scene of the action.

I honestly thought about sending it out as a Christmas card to my family this year. Why? I have not been back to the Vaterland for over 5 years - since I went back to bury my dad. The family is getting a bit tired of my excuses. Mostly it's the money thing...We just have not been able to save the $10,000 it would cost to fly our little family over to Europe. What? That much? Yup the car rental, tickets, hotels and this and that for a family of four. Who can afford it in times like this? So here I am again at the end of 2010 making excuses to my family back home.

New Year resolutions seem so silly. What is a New Year's resolution anyways? I guess I did have some at the end of last year. Ahem, like "must visit family in Germany" this year. Another one of them was to get physically fitter, go exercise at least three times a week. I suppose I succeeded in that respect. I worked out hard each week, except for the month when I broke my butt and had to go bury another family member, in the US this time. Definitely not a highlight of my year. All the other resolutions sort of fell by the wayside. I can barely remember what they were. I guess I could check on my blog here, where I made a list with of them. LOL

Forget it! There are quite a few things I want to improve and change in my life. But maybe instead of making huge plans and having a list of resolutions it would be better to just take things on one day at a time. Maybe it's better to work on the small things that need improvement - one thing at a time than to have these huge goals that seem so far out of reach.

Germany I am saving my pennies! I swear I will make it home in 2011!

Happy New Year to all of you lovely people who have followed my blog, customers, friends, Etsy teammates, and random strangers who have dropped in to read and comment on my immigrant journey! Thanks for laughing and crying with me in 2010! Hope to see you here in 2011!

Lost and Found!

I found it! My box of old family photos which I had misplaced. I am so elated! I wanted to post a picture of my mother on Mother's Day this year but then I could not find the box. I have precious few pictures of my family in Germany. When you move a lot stuff gets lost. I can only imagine what it would be like to live through a flood or Hurricane and find all your precious family photos ruined...Luckily mine were just misplaced.

So meet my mom! She has been such a great source of inspiration for my work.
This is Frieda Johanna Stellwagen in 1960. She was born in 1936, as the second oldest child of ten children, to Martha Stellwagen and Friedrich Stellwagen. Her dream was to become a seamstress. But she never did because she could not get an apprenticeship and instead had to work to support the family. As the oldest daughter, she had to help raise her younger siblings. At age 13 she was made to live with a wealthy doctor's family to be their maid and babysitter. Her dad went off to fight in Russia in the WWII. He ended up as a prisoner of war leaving Martha without husband and provider for her ten children. When Friedrich returned from the war he was a broken and sick man. Life would never be the same for the Stellwagen family.

On Flags and Patriotism...Happy Together...

It's Fourth of July weekend, and I have to make up my mind. Will I go attend the Greeley Independence Day Parade today or stay home to watch Germany play in the 2010 Soccer Worldcup against Argentina? It's a dilemma. I love going to the parade. It's the only time of year when you see lots of people in the streets, and the flags, floats, horses, rodeo queens, and marching bands look so colorful and eyepleasing.

But what flag should I put up this morning? Our family owns two flags: An American and a German flag which we fly in front of our house to represent our different nationalities. I have to say it is mostly my husband who puts up the flags - even for the German holidays and soccer matches.

Since I grew up in Germany, I have very a different attitude when it comes to displays of patriotism. I wonder what history lessons in school look like in Germany these days. But when I was growing up, the last two years of highschool history lessons were mainly spent on the evils of Nazism. The slogan "NEVER AGAIN" was pounded into our heads. Flags and displays of National pride were all part of this evil, if not commited, but allowed by my parents and grandparents.

The other day I was listening to my favorite local radio station, KUNC. They had a story about Germany and the struggle over flagfree zones during the Worldcup. If you missed it, please go here for an interesting read on this 4th of July weekend:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128267395&ft=1&f=1004

Of course, I am cheering for Germany this weekend. I will skip the parade this year and go watch the game now... I think one thing I have learned living in the US is that displaying a flag and a sense of National pride are not always bad. It is okay to fly our two flags together on this day. We can live together as two peaceful Nations but must remember that this priviledge had to be earned at times through bloodshed and hard lessons...

Wallstreet article: Why the Germans Win

If you enjoy watching soccer and you love Germany you must read this screaminly funny article from the Wallstreet Journal this morning.

Community Gardening/ Schrebergarten und Laubenpieper

A few months ago our family and a family of friends became proud renters of a community garden patch. It is a 15x15 feet piece of land that is owned and managed by the City of Greeley. Patches like ours are rented out to gardeners at an annual rate of $25. Originally the land was owned by the University of Northern Colorado, but since they had no use for it, the University donated the land to the Community Gardens project.

"In 2007, the city of Greeley, along with Steps to a Healthier Weld County, recruited a group of interested residents and formed the Community Gardening Advisory Committee. The goal of this group was to encourage families and individuals to enhance their health by growing their own food and getting outside to get exercise in the process." You can read more about this project here: http://www.greeleytribune.com/article/20080309/FEATURES/8554907

There used to be two sites with garden lots. Our patch is located on a site that is in very close proximity to the university and in walking distance from our home. There are 22 patches on the site. The program has become so popular that a third site was added this year. The new site has even bigger patches with drip irrigation, but we'd have to drive to get there.
I don't know if you have ever visited Germany. The idea of small community gardens is not new to me. In Germany they are called Schrebergarten or Lauben and have been around since the late 19th Century. When traveling Germany by train, you may notice large green parcels of land surrounding most towns and cities. On closer inspection, you'll see that the land is divided into many little lots, separated by fences. Many of the lots may even have a small cabin or structure on them.

The original concept was invented by school principal Ernst Hausschild in 1864. Together with his friend doctor Moritz Schreber, Hauschild promoted the idea that children, especially poor city kids, should grow up closer to nature and get more exercise. During the economic crisis of the 1930s the community garden idea really took off in Germany, and many lots were given to poor families, so they could grow their own food and be saved from starvation. During WWI and WWII the little garden patches became important food sources for starving Germans. As many big cities lay in ruins after WWII garden plots with shelters gained in popularity as housing units.

If you ever visit Berlin make sure to visit the large garden communities, Laubenpieper colonies, in various neighborhoods of the city. Laubenpieper is the name for the people who rent the lots. http://http//www.morgenpost.de/printarchiv/familie/article1164166/Schrebergaerten_als_Ackerland.html Am I going totally off topic here? Maybe not. The idea behind the new community gardens project in Greeley is not so different really. With so many obese kids these days, kids who spend countless hours playing Nintendo or watching TV, having a green garden patch seems like a really good idea.

Also considering the current economic crises, interest in vegetable gardening is booming. Have you been to your local gardening center lately? They seem packed these days. More and more people are thinking about growing their own food to save on grocery bills.

Luckily our two families are not in financial distress, and we are thankful that we don't have slave away on our small lot with empty stomachs. The main reason our families decided to rent a garden patch is to grow healthy organic food and teach the children about gardening in the process. We have had a small vegetable garden by the side of our house for years. We grow tomatoes, basil, herbs, squash, and salad greens in the spring and fall. But it's not very big and this year the dads had the great idea of growing a Three Sisters Garden. Since this post is already quite lengthy I will safe that topic for another day...